Breaking up with a Guy You’re Not Even Dating
by Sarah1281
Summary: While marrying off Alistair to Anora, the Queen asks if Aunn will be a factor in their marriage and, upon finding out she won't, requests she lets Alistair know. Despite the fact they're not dating, Aunn agrees. She never said she'd do it the easy way...


Breaking up with a Guy You're Not Even Dating

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.

Note: Don't get me wrong, I love the Alistair romance…when I'm playing a Cousland. Otherwise, his insistence of falling in love if you're even remotely nice or give gifts can be a little vexing. Also, being the only one capable of saving Ferelden doesn't have to necessarily mean you're _nice._

At Arl Eamon's Denerim Estate, Aunn Aeducan and Queen Anora were in the middle of betrothing the sole known heir of the Theirin bloodline to the latter without his knowledge or consent. Some might call that insensitive, but both women were too much politicians to really care. He'd be told before the Landsmeet so he wouldn't freak out and refuse to do it in front of everyone but it really was for the best.

"So what about it?" Anora was asking, trying to sound casual but clearly not thrilled at the prospect of once again marrying a unfaithful man. "If I am to have yet another husband with wandering eyes, I would prefer to be aware of it."

"Do you honestly think I have so little self-respect as to be willing to be a dirty little secret or even openly his mistress?" Aunn demanded sharply.

"I don't know," Anora replied honestly. "I hardly know you. Some people would say it wasn't perfect but if they could remain with their love it would be worth it. Would you?"

"I have a little more self-respect than **that**, thank you very much," Aunn declared. "And I've never let my hormones get in my way. So no, to answer your question, I will not be in the picture."

"And I suppose that Alistair knows this?" Anora was skeptical.

"Not yet," Aunn admitted. "I'm not sure if you've spent enough time with him to realize this or not but telling Alistair 'no' is a lot like kicking a puppy. You feel guilty enough as it is and everyone around you will hate you for it."

"I guess he really is like Cailan," Anora murmured. Turning her attention back to the dwarf in front of her, she continued in a more professional tone. "Well, if you're going to break it off with him, you've got to let him know at some point. Unless you plan on just never being alone with him ever again?"

Although the Ferelden Queen was clearly being sardonic, Aunn cocked her head thoughtfully. "That might work…"

"It's not very practical," Anora pointed out.

Aunn sighed. "I know. I just don't see why I should have to 'end things' with him. I wasn't even aware that we were involved and you'd think that, as one of the parties in this supposed relationship, I would know if we were together or not."

"Surely you've seen the way he looks at you," Anora replied incredulously.

"I have and people keep telling me all about it," Aunn said grimly. "In fact, I had to listen to a lecture from Wynne about not letting my hormones get in the way of my responsibilities – as if – and then another lecture about not toying with poor Alistair's feelings when I insisted we were not in a relationship."

"From what Cailan told me, Alistair has been very…isolated for most of his life. I doubt he'd really get the concept of a meaningless physical relationship," Anora reasoned.

Aunn nodded. "I agree, which is why we've never so much as kissed."

"Really?" Anora raised an eyebrow, surprised. He was that enamored without even a token gesture of affection? "Then why does he seem to think you are together?"

"I have no idea," Aunn confessed tiredly. "I knew he was inexperienced and all, but all I did was comment on how attractive he was once and then when I heard he was training to be a Templar – and after he explained to me what those even were – I asked if that meant he was a virgin and ended up having a very bizarre conversation about licking lampposts. He said he'd never licked one which I took to mean 'no' although it really could have just meant he's never…" She coughed. "But anyway, the next thing I knew, he gave me a rose and everyone acts like we're soul mates or something."

"Misunderstanding or not, he really needs to be told," Anora said firmly. "Although if it's really that easy to get him devoted to you, that's good to know…"

Aunn sighed heavily. "I know. I just really don't feel I should be responsible for completely and utterly crushing him when this is **so **not my fault, but…" Aunn froze, her eyes lighting up. "Oh, but I _do_ have an idea."

"As long as you get it done and soon," Anora told her, deciding that she probably did not want to know.

- -

All in all, Aunn thought the Landsmeet had gone pretty well so far. Everyone but that one bald guy with the really annoying voice had sided with her and Anora had come through like she'd promised. She probably should have been surprised when Loghain would not accept the ruling, but she wasn't. That kind of thing happened occasionally in the Assembly, after all, and was why they had so many guards. What did surprise her was that he had so readily acquiesced to her call for a one-on-one duel. Alistair had wanted to fight him, she could tell, but as much as he needed to prove himself to the Landsmeet so did she. Besides, Alistair was sure to kill him and then she'd have to come up with a new plan.

"I yield," Loghain called out, sounding slightly stunned. "I thought you were like Cailan: a child playing at war. I was wrong. You have a strength in you I have not seen since Maric died."

"Really?" Aunn blinked. That meant a lot, given just how highly she knew he thought of Maric and he was a worthy foe. "You know, if I weren't going to let you live before, I totally would now."

"Wait, what?" Alistair did a double-take. "You're not _seriously_ considering letting him live, are you?"

"I have my heart set on it," Aunn assured him.

"But he killed Duncan!" Alistair reminded her. Again. "And Cailan! And he labeled us traitors and tried to have us killed several times!"

"Is there any way we can make him a Grey Warden?" Aunn wondered aloud, ignoring him. "You found the information for the Joining Ritual, didn't you, Riordan?"

Loghain paled at the prospect of becoming a Grey Warden. "That's really not necessary. The boy wants my blood; let him have it."

"Don't be silly," Aunn said breezily. "That's quite unnecessary. Not to mention I can't see Anora agreeing to marry him if he did kill you. Riordan?"

"I know nothing about the Queen's willingness to marry Alistair but I was just about to suggest the Joining myself. I believe that Loghain would make an excellent candidate for our order," Riordan declared.

"What? No, he'd make a horrible warden!" Alistair disagreed. "He hates us, only stopped trying to kill us five minutes ago, and wiped out all of the other Ferelden Grey Wardens at Ostagar!"

"Which is why we need more Grey Wardens," Aunn explained slowly as if she were talking to a child.

"I will not have HIM as a brother," Alistair declared, crossing his arms in defiance.

"Stop acting like a child, Alistair," Anora ordered, hoping his petulance wasn't about to get her father killed.

"I'm **not** acting like a child," Alistair insisted. "He's evil!"

Anora rolled her eyes. "Because viewing everything in the world as either good or evil isn't childish at all."

"I didn't want to have to do this but…" Alistair took a deep breath. "If that's what it takes to see that justice is done then make me King."

"You're already going to be King," Aunn pointed out. "You're going to marry Anora, remember?"

"I thought you were joking about that!" Alistair exclaimed.

"Well, I wasn't," Aunn informed him a little late. "Now, you don't have to go through with it, but if you don't then the best case scenario is swearing an oath that forfeits your right and your heirs' rights to the throne and then getting exiled from Ferelden."

"What? Why?" Alistair just looked so clueless, Aunn almost regretted revealing the cold harsh facts to him. Not that that would stop her, of course. He needed to know what he was getting himself into.

"You'll most likely be executed," Aunn said flatly.

Alistair turned to look at his potential fiancée accusingly.

"Ferelden is unstable enough as it is," Anora defended her position. "We don't need a rebellion springing up in your name, whether you have anything to do with it or not."

"You're not seriously going to do this?" Alistair asked quietly, pleadingly.

"It really is for the best," Aunn answered shortly. She had put Orzammar above her personal feelings on the matter and put her brother on the Aeducan throne so how could she possibly indulge Alistair his tantrum at the cost of a valuable asset of Ferelden's?

"Fine," Alistair said curtly. "Then I'm leaving the Grey Wardens to marry Anora."

"Great!" Aunn exclaimed. "It wouldn't due for our new King to get himself killed before his coronation after all…"

The look she shot Anora when he wasn't looking clearly said 'Mission Accomplished'.

- -

Anora elected to walk Aunn down to see her father so they could discuss Aunn's way of fulfilling her promise to make sure Alistair knew Aunn wasn't going to be sticking around in a romantic capacity.

"Well, I suppose that is certainly one way to break up with someone," Anora began. "Inducting their personal embodiment of evil into their beloved surrogate family."

"And the best part is that he's so pissed that by the time he speaks to me again, he'll be completely over me," Aunn said cheerfully.

"Your ability to look on the bright side is really quite remarkable," Anora noted.

"My friends angst enough as it is," Aunn explained. "If I joined in then they'll never stop."

"This may be none of my business," Anora said hesitantly, "but why did you never pursue a relationship with Alistair?"

"You mean aside from the fact that he wouldn't be able to handle a casual relationship, he was the sole heir to the throne, we're not even the same species, the minute the Archdemon is dead I intend to go back to Orzammar, and I'm still getting over my last boyfriend who up and got married with a kid on the way within three months of our relationship technically ending?" Aunn asked rhetorically.

"No, those reasons are quite sufficient," Anora said wryly as they stopped in front of the door to the room her father was currently occupying. "Thank you again for saving my father."

"Don't worry about it," Aunn smiled. "Ignoring the fact that I had completely self-serving reasons to do so, I lost my father recently and I wouldn't want to murder someone else's in cold blood right in front of them when a reasonable alternative did exist."

"Well, thank you anyway," Anora said before turning to go. "I won't forget it."

With that, Aunn opened the door and stepped inside.

"Why did you save me?" Loghain asked immediately, turning to face her. "I can't imagine it was any mercy on your part."

"Well, you did cost me Alistair," Aunn started to explain.

"You can thank me later," Loghain said dryly.

Aunn shook her head. "No, seriously, that was it. He thought we were in a relationship and I couldn't convince him otherwise. This way, he's more-or-less 'dumping'. Although I swear, one of these days I will have a relationship that ends officially…But anyway, he'll probably forgive me eventually and if not, it doesn't really matter because I'll be in Orzammar."

Loghain stared at her for a long time. "…I'm just going to pretend you want to feed me to the Archdemon," he said finally.

"You can let it eat you if you really want to," Aunn offered. "By then if Anora follows my advice then Alistair will be so over me it's not even funny."

"Or maybe I was supposed to die in the Joining…" Loghain continued as if he couldn't hear her.

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